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Second Guess or Success?

I recently had the opportunity to deliver an educational/motivational speech to a group of business and technology professionals in lovely Tucson, Arizona. I had spent quite a bit of time preparing my presentation and trying to fine tune the content to serve my audience. I wanted them to learn about a few specific mechanics of improvement and success, and I wanted them to recognize their personal role in making positive, sustainable changes in their organizations.

As I delivered my presentation, I tried to gauge how well my content and my delivery were capturing my audience. I scanned the crowd diligently. Some people appeared to be taking notes. Most sat stoically in their seats. It was very quiet overall. I had worked a few small humorous moments into my presentation. When I delivered the lighter material, people smiled, but they certainly didn't fall out of their chairs laughing. (Is this an educational corporate venue or an oil painting?) I continued to work through my presentation until the end when I left the stage to a round of polite applause.

Backstage - that's where it started to happen. Bring on the second guessing! I thought about my opening. Did I do enough to engage them and set the tempo for the remainder of my session? Was I too energetic or not energetic enough? (It had to be one or the other, right?) Maybe I didn't make my transitions smoothly enough, and I lost some folks. I should have rehearsed more. I should have put in more numbers. No wait - fewer numbers. Definitely fewer numbers. They were tired. I was tired. That had to be it. Next time. I'll do much better next time.

After the friendly technician removed my wireless microphone, I walked out into the lobby to join the audience on a well-deserved break.

In the lobby - that's where it started to happen. One after another, people approached me to congratulate me on having delivered a great presentation. "I had no idea you were such a great speaker. Where did that come from?" one long-time associate asked. Others asked if I would come to their companies and deliver the same material to their executive team. Still others urged a repeat of the presentation next year. They said it was educational, motivating, and on target.

Even before I walked on stage, I would never have expected their positive comments. I definitely didn't expect them after I had misinterpreted all of the cues during my presentation.

Unfortunately, we often misinterpret certain aspects of our environment at work, at home, or in our relationships. Let's say that it's late at night, and I'm telling my wife Tanya about a really great book I'm reading. Right in the middle of the part about how self-efficacy attitudes about goal achievement have been correlated with positive achievement outcomes - she yawns. (Egad!) At that point, am I remembering that she was up late the night before watching something lame on Lifetime? No. Am I recognizing that she's had a draining day dealing with the stresses of an overloaded domestic agenda? No.

If I interpret her apparent disinterest at face value, I may come to the wrong conclusion. I may inadvertently conclude that she's not jacked about the psychometric characteristics of goal achievement. Oh wait. She's not. (I guess that does explain the yawn after all.)

In all seriousness, I'll bet you are more than a little familiar with your inner monologue in situations such as this:

"He didn't like my proposal. Why doesn't he like me?" (The proposal doesn't fit with another initiative of which you weren't aware.)

"She's looking at her watch. There's no way she'd want to go out with a bore like me." (She's running late for a doctor's appointment she rescheduled after being late last week.)

"Every day I eat lunch alone in my office. Why doesn't anyone want to eat with me?" (Everyone assumes you want personal time to finish your important work. And you're a messy eater. One word: napkins.)

Think of your attitudes and feelings in some key aspect of your life. Is it possible that you have limited your mindset or your chances of success by misinterpreting cues in your environment? (The answer would be yes.) Keep an open mind and remember that there are dozens of reasons for anyone's actions, emotions, or words. When you can't know these things for certain, don't be too quick to fill in the blanks on your own.

In reflecting on the whole situation, I realize that I still have work to do in the field of public speaking. I'm very pleased with the outcome of my speech, but I want to make sure I go into my next engagement expecting great results. That proper mindset and confidence should save me a lot of aggravation by helping me keep any cues that conflict with that expectation in the proper perspective. Just because someone doesn't appear interested, it doesn't mean that they're not. (Unless I'm married to them.)

Let's stop second guessing ourselves. It's no way to win.

Coaching Quickie: Second Guess or Success?

Check back next week for results!

Last Week's Results

Coaching Quickie: Ask and Ye Shall Achieve (Part II)
How many new people will you connect with next week to help you achieve your goals?

(17%) 5+ - I'm going to take my goal pursuits to the next level!
(00%) 3-4 - There are a lot of people out there who are anxious to help me succeed.
(83%) 1-2 - I can ask around and find a few people to help me get started.
(00%) 0 - I plan on flying solo a bit longer.