Goals Gone Wild November 17, 2006

Can I See Some ID?

Matthew Poepsel, LeftBrain/Co-Founder

When you meet someone new, how do you describe yourself? Common responses include "My name is ... [please state your name]" or "I'm a ... [please state your occupation]" or "I really enjoy reading this great weekly success column called ... [please say "Goals Gone Wild"]".

These are all fine and accurate responses, but do they fully describe who you really are? Of course not. (Unless you are incredibly shallow.) If you stop and think about how you might describe your true identity, however, you may struggle a bit. What exactly makes up something as intangible as "my identity"? (I barely recognize what's in my freezer.)

For further insight on this fascinating subject, let's pick the brain of a historic expert in the field: Erikson. (That would be "Erik" the German psychologist, not "Lief" the Norwegian viking.) When considering the internal workings of identity development, Erikson posed a philosophical question in his 1968 book Identity, Youth, and Crisis. In framing identity, he wrote, "What do I want to make of myself, and what do I have to work with?"

An inability to definitively answer these two questions can have a negative impact on our well-being and our chances for meaningful success in our lives. At a minimum, such an identity gap can lead to aimlessness and a lack of productivity. In the extreme, frustration and conflict can give rise to the popular "identity crisis" - a kissing cousin of the "midlife crisis". (Without the sportscar and the hip new wardrobe.)

Some of us who feel reasonably certain about our identities may still find that they are not the result of conscious effort, but rather something that we've simply "fallen into". It's easy to see how this can happen. How often do any of us really sit and ponder what really makes us tick?

The reality is that our lives are a paradox. No one can deny that we live in an individualistic culture; we are constantly bombarded with ego-driven advertising and messages. Yet at the same time, we feel guilty or selfish if we linger too long when paying attention to the most personal aspects of our lives. Even a simple exercise of writing our personal values on a sheet of paper can feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Well, I say that we should take a moment to expose our selves. (Wait - that didn't sound right.)

Psychologists tell us that there are two core concepts related to the development of personal identity: exploration and commitment. (Nerds. Is there anything they don't know?)

Exploration relates to an active investigation and evaluation of alternative points of view and information. As we move through life, every new experience, new interaction, and new emotion presents an opportunity for us to reinforce or modify some central aspect of our identity. At times, this newness will force us into a state of disequilibrium - an uncomfortable place that sets us off to reinvent some small or large portion of ourselves. This may lead us to change careers, take up a new hobby, volunteer our time, or stop watching F/X.

Commitment involves investing enough psychic energy to fully incorporate a personal value, attribute, or other characteristic into our personal identity. Without a resolute commitment, personal identity is a thin proposition and you are left to sway in the breeze in times of challenge. Take a stand! Invest enough of yourself to stand for something in life. Tall trees require deep roots!

You may be complex, but your identity is key to your success. Your identity is tied up in your personal qualities, your occupation, your political affiliation, your religious beliefs, your ethnicity, your willingness to help others, your belief that Mario Lopez really deserved to win "Dancing with the Stars" instead of that hack Emmitt Smith, and many other deeply meaningful life dimensions. More than just who you are today, remember that your personal identity also includes who you intend to be in the future (i.e. your goals).

So be confident and definite in your identity - both as you are in the moment and how you envision yourself in the future.

And don't be surprised when the world sits up and takes notice of the new you.

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